The Virtual Meeting Coach » Blog Archive » “In the company of nudists, no one is naked.”

Tags: buzzmachine.com, Facebook, Jeff Jarvis, online relationships, Oregon, Privacy, relating virtually, social media, Social network, virtual meetings

May 21 st

“In the company of nudists, no one is naked.”

This week I read a stunning piece by Jeff Jarvis in Business Week.

Jeff teaches at the CUNY School of Journalism and blogs at buzzmachine.com. His piece is short but packed a big punch.

He probed around a number of key issues in the conversation about openness – or transparency – and the Internet. The whole conversation of “publicness.” His opening line was provocative, “In the company of nudists, no one is naked.”

The longer I live here, in southern Oregon, the more I see that what’s most important to people here is having a place to live their lives in “peace and privacy.” Migrants and natives alike.

I moved here not quite three years ago from Austin, Texas, and it’s taken me awhile to appreciate just how deliberately my fellow residents of the “State of Jefferson” cultivate their disconnection from the rest of the nation – and the world. I consider myself a very “private person,” but compared to most of my neighbors, I’m a virtual slut. So, I spend a lot of time trying to calibrate my enthusiasm for online learning and virtual business relationships with the thinking of most folks I’m shopping for groceries and gardening supplies with.

All week I’ve been pondering Jeff’s point about the obstacle to more transparency in our online relating being “control,” not “privacy.”

Privacy and Control Are Not the Same Issue

A new friend (who’s a 30-40-something) told me this week she just signed up for Facebook and that she wanted to talk to me about some “virtual meeting coaching.” She was in a panic about how she was going to keep her real-life friends out of her Facebook. She said she didn’t want them “in there acting like they do.”

When I asked her why not, she said she wanted to be able to keep taking crazy, fun road-trips to the beach with them – without having to acknowledge “in public” that she enjoys their carousing. She was worried that if she let them into her Facebook, they would make her look bad to the other people she wanted in her Facebook and she wondered what she could do about that.

As I listened to her, I heard a perfect testimony for Jarvis’ suggestion that our hesitation about increasing the transparency of our online communication isn’t about “privacy.” It’s about “control” of how we reveal (or conceal) our different faces.

Privacy and control really aren’t the same issue, are they? What we want from relating “virtually” are new ways to strengthen relationships – without being misunderstood or taken advantage of.

I gave my new friend some personal advice about how I’m handling this challenge, but I’m really interested in how the rest of you are handling it. How are you handling the opportunity to become more and more transparent with your online communication?

Will you help me out by leaving some comments below?

MJ Anschell

I hear the same concerns from that demographic. Privacy and control are different issues, for sure.

My technical response to your friend is to learn the privacy and security options on Facebook accounts. You can create friend groups and set the controls so the "friends" in that group only see certain things. For example, set a group for clients and place every new client connection into that group. You can let them see your status updates and links (i.e. content that they would be interested in) but you can limit them from seeing other people's comments, or photos that others have tagged of you (and more). Additionally, you can set each photo album to specific controls (so you can limit the racy, concerning photos or videos to ONLY that beach trip group). I assume you advised your friend of this.

I think the question here comes down to transparency and your "brand". It's hard to do, but have your friend write down her brand, who she wants to be at home and at work. Then set your profiles based on your message. Younger generations have been open on social networking for so long, that they don't see an issue with the control. For demographics older than 30, it's about teaching them how to use the tools. For demographics younger than 30, it's about teaching them why they shouddn't tell or show everything to anyone - teaching them to build their brand.

Thanks for the post - interesting!

Michelle - HR Generalist
@MJAnschell

Meri Walker

Wow, Michelle. This is great information to share and I appreciate you taking the time to post it all here. Great advice about declaring your brand, too...or brands, as the case may be. I'll pass this on. This whole subject of "transparency" is growing and growing and growing. More on it soon...

Judy Dunn

Hi Meri,

Hopped over to your blog after you left a comment on mine. As someone in the business of helping clients develop their unique online presence and identity, I can relate to this quandary. We don't want to have two "faces," but, clearly, our customers, clients and colleagues do not need to know every detail about our personal lives either. I think we can still be true to who we are while separating the interactions between work and personal.

As MJ indicated, Facebook has upgraded their privacy and security settings so you can now control who sees what on your profile page and news feed. And, of course, some people choose to have two separate accounts, one for family and one for professional contacts. Very interesting and relevant topic. Glad you're bringing it up.

Meri Walker

Boy oh boy, Judy. I am so glad to have connected with your blog today! Love your posting about Ivy Bean and your comments here are important, too. I can't figure out how to separate who I am any more into work and personal identities. Social media is really blurring the lines between "public" and "private" in more ways than I can manage using "traditional" approaches. I find myself feeling a little uneasy much of the time about how much I share with others when I speak "authentically" online. And, at the same time, I'm exhilarated about the new kinds of conversations and relationships that are growing.

I think we have to keep talking and talking about all this and sharing our real-time experiences with each other while we figure out how to move forward in this brave new world. My sister and some friends just came through my town last night after taking a 10-day hike on the wild and scenic part of the Rogue River. I was struck with their descriptions of how uneasy they felt hiking the trail because it was high, rocky, and with a sheer drop off just inches away most of the time. They found it nerve wracking to have to be so vigilant for the whole hike while they were traveling through such beautiful wild country (and wanting to look around at it).

As I listened to their stories last night, I kept thinking about the parallels with my explorations in this new terrain of social media and online social networking. I often feel like I'm traveling a treacherous and wild line... with sheer dropoffs on one or the other side... and wish I could feel more relaxed about it all. But I don't.
Know what I mean?